haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and she was petting her beer can
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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