It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
