I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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