I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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