we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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