a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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