They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Every concussion has its silver lining
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
