He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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