I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
