Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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