i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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