people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I wear drunk well.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
