I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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