we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
