I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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