Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
