It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
