honey bunches of taint.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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