My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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