We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
