Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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