I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
