I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
