He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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