I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
