You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have already put on my inside pants.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
