If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize