I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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