Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Still dying that you shit outside
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
