So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
