Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize