I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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