Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
