The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
