The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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