i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
