Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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