once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
