yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
