Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize