That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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