you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
