Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
