so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
