How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
