I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
