What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
