This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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