Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
