I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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