This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
