so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
