It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
