well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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