So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
