Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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