cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
