Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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