On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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