i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
