He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
