Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
