Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
