just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she peed on how many people?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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