Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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