i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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