I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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