8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just google imaged poop.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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