Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
