After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You took a bar mat shot.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize