He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
