That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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